This is a story that's nearly 40 years in the making.
7th grade is something I refer to as my hell year.
My family moved and I remember being excited. I loved the thought of being at a new school, certain that I would have lots of friends and excel academically since that's how things were the previous few years, grades 4-6.
However, popularity and good grades were not to be in 7th grade.
Although it's painful for me to write this, I was the weird one. We all go through that awkward stage and 7th grade was mine. Bad skin, changing body that I didn't know how to dress, and being thrust into a new environment did little to give me confidence. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, particularly when I wasn't invited to a popular girl's Bat Mitzvah party.
That's not to say I didn't have friends; I had a few that were very nice.
Bear with me....there's a point to all of this, I promise.
One friend, Julie, was smart, pretty, came from a good family and lived in a very nice house - an important factor when you're 12!
New Year's Eve, she hosted a small party in her (finished) basement. It was me, Julie, another girl Jenny, and three boys.
Yes, we pretty much just made out with one another the whole evening! Hey, we were 12!!
One of the boys, Bernie, was so cute and I went home and wrote about him in my diary. I think I used that diary for about 5 days then threw it out. Not because of Bernie.
A few years later in high school, Bernie and I were in the same youth group. I admired him for his leadership and he was still just as cute.
Life happens and we lost touch after graduation. We reconnected about 20 years later for our reunion and have been in touch ever since.
Just the other day on Facebook, Bernie posted a picture of himself sitting in the driver's seat of a very nice car. One woman responded that he was a good kisser in high school. Not wanting to be outdone, I responded, "Oh YEAH? I kissed him when I was 12!"
After some back-and-forths, Bernie said that after Julie's New Years Eve party, "he felt like he'd arrived." He saw himself as a shlubby guy from xyz area of our hometown and here he spent New Years with 3 wildly popular girls from abc section (apparently the "nicer" section) of our hometown. He went on to say that this is a good memory.
And with that one observation, my entire perspective on 7th grade hell year changed dramatically. Bernie saw me as popular and I know I was not. But his statement literally eliminated every insecurity I ever had about that year.
He wiped it out with just that one inoccuous statement. 40 years later.
And he's still cute.
What's the lesson here? I think there are several:
1. Your words have the ability to change perspectives, if not lives. Choose them carefully. You will be amazed at how much power you have to bring joy to someone.
2. That how you see yourself is vastly different than how others see you.
3. That the times in your life you thought were hell, actually do have some bright moments in them. These bright moments are not always made apparent just then. Sometimes it can take decades.
4. That it's these shared good memories that create an unbreakable bond and we can access them any time, any where. So do your best not to forget them. And if you need some refreshing, contact that person who will remind you.
Do it now. Go back to a good memory. Share it - if at all possible - with someone who was a part of it. Your mood will lift instantly and your body will thank you.
7th grade is something I refer to as my hell year.
My family moved and I remember being excited. I loved the thought of being at a new school, certain that I would have lots of friends and excel academically since that's how things were the previous few years, grades 4-6.
However, popularity and good grades were not to be in 7th grade.
Although it's painful for me to write this, I was the weird one. We all go through that awkward stage and 7th grade was mine. Bad skin, changing body that I didn't know how to dress, and being thrust into a new environment did little to give me confidence. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, particularly when I wasn't invited to a popular girl's Bat Mitzvah party.
That's not to say I didn't have friends; I had a few that were very nice.
Bear with me....there's a point to all of this, I promise.
One friend, Julie, was smart, pretty, came from a good family and lived in a very nice house - an important factor when you're 12!
New Year's Eve, she hosted a small party in her (finished) basement. It was me, Julie, another girl Jenny, and three boys.
Yes, we pretty much just made out with one another the whole evening! Hey, we were 12!!
One of the boys, Bernie, was so cute and I went home and wrote about him in my diary. I think I used that diary for about 5 days then threw it out. Not because of Bernie.
A few years later in high school, Bernie and I were in the same youth group. I admired him for his leadership and he was still just as cute.
Life happens and we lost touch after graduation. We reconnected about 20 years later for our reunion and have been in touch ever since.
Just the other day on Facebook, Bernie posted a picture of himself sitting in the driver's seat of a very nice car. One woman responded that he was a good kisser in high school. Not wanting to be outdone, I responded, "Oh YEAH? I kissed him when I was 12!"
After some back-and-forths, Bernie said that after Julie's New Years Eve party, "he felt like he'd arrived." He saw himself as a shlubby guy from xyz area of our hometown and here he spent New Years with 3 wildly popular girls from abc section (apparently the "nicer" section) of our hometown. He went on to say that this is a good memory.
And with that one observation, my entire perspective on 7th grade hell year changed dramatically. Bernie saw me as popular and I know I was not. But his statement literally eliminated every insecurity I ever had about that year.
He wiped it out with just that one inoccuous statement. 40 years later.
And he's still cute.
What's the lesson here? I think there are several:
1. Your words have the ability to change perspectives, if not lives. Choose them carefully. You will be amazed at how much power you have to bring joy to someone.
2. That how you see yourself is vastly different than how others see you.
3. That the times in your life you thought were hell, actually do have some bright moments in them. These bright moments are not always made apparent just then. Sometimes it can take decades.
4. That it's these shared good memories that create an unbreakable bond and we can access them any time, any where. So do your best not to forget them. And if you need some refreshing, contact that person who will remind you.
Do it now. Go back to a good memory. Share it - if at all possible - with someone who was a part of it. Your mood will lift instantly and your body will thank you.